I started this blog because I couldn’t find a voice in the Catholic social media sphere that spoke to my position as a devout Catholic, married to someone who does not share my faith. I suspected that I am not alone in this situation.
I converted to Catholicism in 2016, a few months after I met my husband. I began the process of RCIA before I knew him, and once I met him, I explained my religious journey and he was supportive of my conversion. He attended the Vigil Mass in which I was received into the Church even though we had only been dating for about three months at that time, which is a special memory for me. Although that is when I officially became Catholic, I would say that much of my love for, and commitment to, the faith has grown since then.
My husband is, in fact, Catholic by baptism, and would consider himself as such. However, faith is not an important part of his life: I go to Mass alone (with the baby) 90% of the time, our daughter’s faith formation is entirely my responsibility, and we certainly don’t pray together as a family. On the other hand, we agreed that our daughter should be baptised in the Catholic church, and he generally is not resistant to me encouraging a faith life for her.
I mention all this to demonstrate that my situation may be ‘easier’ than that of others, whose spouses may be more antagonistic towards their faith. I want this blog to be for anyone who feels that their faith is not shared by their spouse, but I recognise that there is a spectrum of difficulty and that my situation is not the hardest. However, I strongly believe that God wants us all to delight in our relationship with Him no matter our personal circumstances, and that He absolutely does not want any of us to give up on faith simply because we do not have families that are perfectly unified in belief.
There have been times when I’ve felt that God is disappointed in me because I didn’t wait for a practising Catholic spouse, or that He must think I just didn’t love or trust Him enough to break off my relationship when I realised that we may never be on the same page about matters of faith. I feared that I was doomed to a life of imperfect faith because I had failed to find a man who shared my beliefs 100%. I even worried that I would have to choose between my relationship and my faith, and was afraid that God would abandon me if I stayed in the relationship.
But here’s the thing: despair does not come from God. Yes, God asks us to do hard things. Yes, God sometimes wants us to walk away from things that make us happy because He has a better plan for us. Only you know what God is asking of you, and you must be honest with Him and with yourself in order to discern what He wants from you and your relationship. I can promise, though, that He is not going to abandon you because you went off-script from His plan. And I can also promise you that the Catholic mommies of Instagram, Facebook and the blogosphere do not know better than God does what is good for you.
I believe fully in Christ, His Church and Her teachings. I am not here to promote heresies. I am here to tell you that you can live your faith fully and fruitfully no matter the circumstances of your marriage or relationship.
Thank you for writing this blog! I, too, am married to someone who does not share my faith, and it is an exhaustingly heavy cross. I feel there is little room for me in the Catholic spaces I want so badly to be part of- I am glad to have found you!
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No one wants to hear the “uncomfortable ” reality that some of us were faithful Catholics and married a non-Catholic…. there are so many layers, right? There are very few people I can have an honest, non judgemental conversation about this with… thankfully I have found a priest that ” gets me” and I am so thankful. I feel so judged most of the time… we use NFP… until .. my husband doesn’t want to ( usually once a month) … it’s a cross… because sometimes it hits me like a wall that he really doesn’t understand all of me… and that is incredibly isolating at times….
I just purchased Elizabeth Liseur’s diary…so I am very eager to learn about her. Thank you for sharing so much about her!
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Hi Liz, sorry to be slow getting back to you! Thanks so much for sharing your experience. It is definitely isolating and I also have those moments of stark realisation that my husband doesn’t understand a (or the) fundamental part of who I am. Peace
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I’m bawling as I read your story Gina! Thank you soooo much for following the leading of the Holy Spirit inspiration to share and post about such an incredible important, and very forgotten topic, in our beloved Church! One day I would like to share my story with you… but for now, all I’m going to say is that I’m taking the test again, as I failed the first time… Very happy to see how God is giving me a second chance, and that He waited patiently on me and my heart to be cleaned enough for Him to reteach and me to finally receive this truth and reality you are speaking about here. I pray to God that He continues using you in this arena and I will definitively refer others to this page. Thank you again! God bless!
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Thank you, Donna, for commenting. Sometimes I feel like abandoning this blog, but comments like yours keep me going! I would love you to share your story if you feel able to one day. God bless you and thank you for stopping by.
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Thank you for this.
Dating a non catholic for a while now and the cross is heavier than I could imagine (and I’m not even married).
A lot my friends are in their mutual Christian relationships and it hurts me sometimes how different it is but wow he’s a moral, good, fun and wonderful person. Better than so many other guys I’ve met who are of the faith.
Your words speak mountains for me. Thank you for sharing.
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Thank you so much for being here. It is HARD but you are absolutely right, sharing faith with your partner is no guarantee of a healthy or happy relationship. Feel free to reach out by email in the “contact me” section if you wish!
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Gina, I just discovered your blog and I feel as though my prayers are answered that there are other Catholics who understand the struggles we have in our church community.
So many times I have felt as though I am in the outside looking in at all the different groups in my church. There are even mostly married couples involved in our choir, of which I am a member.
Now I know I am not alone and will pray for the intercession of Elisabeth Leseur.
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Hello, I am so sorry to be so slow replying! I am packing in this blog since I’ve been so hard at keeping on top of it but I’m going to start a Substack here: https://ginadadaglo.substack.com/p/coming-soon?r=odzv5&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=email&utm_source=copy
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